Thursday, September 1, 2011


     Hey interweb. First I would just like to say that I am a firm believer in the process of de-evolution. This is a very scientific and proven theory that has far reaching effects and implications within the human species. Basically the theory has the following formula: man + woman (in the presence of alcohol) = reproduction for reasons other than having desirable qualities. This leads to the human species becoming gradually dumber, uglier and generally more worthless than the previous generations. There are a few signs that this is happening, including but not limited to:

1. Disclaimers on everything.
     A few years ago, you didn't have to tell people not to touch the bar on running chainsaws, that coffee will burn you, that the stunts on "Jackass" are performed by jackasses, that you are NOT Bear Grylls, that eating fast food will make you morbidly obese, that alcohol will cause intoxication, that the stunts in video games cannot be performed in real life, and you are not a good enough driver to be in the real life "Fast Five." I mean COME ON people, who would have guessed that common sense would be the first human faculty to go the way of the dodo bird?

2. Amusement Parks
     I love amusement parks as much as the next person, but have you ever noticed how much better your self esteem is after you leave? Have you ever taken the time to "people watch" as I like to call my narcissistic internal judgement of other people based solely on appearance and actions? If you take the time to be entertained by some of the craziness that you will see in an amusement park crowd, you will realize a few things in America. We really are a fat nation, out of 30,000 people at the theme park you are only attracted to five, most people should not be allowed to chose clothing (especially when they chose small quantities of it), reproduction should be a privilege, parents are insane, most tattoos will be regretted at some point in one's life, humans are far to addicted to their endogenous hormones, and because of all of this the human species is doomed.

3. The riots in Canada and England
     Self explanatory.
4. Our fascination with reality  TV
     I have fallen into this trap several times, but am getting better at restraining it. But throw on an episode of "The Dog Whisperer," "Real Life," "Man Vs Wild," or "MTV Cribs" and I am completely unproductive for at least an hour. Why are we so entertained by watching other people, do normal everyday things while they scream and fight about it. These shows have no value and why do we care?! Why do we watch people spray tan themselves, buy a gallon of hair gel, dry hump, drive around, and complain about things that have nothing to do with anything? These people aren't even acting, they are just naturally douche bags. I'm sure that we all have plenty of these in our own lives. And judging by the statistics of a lot of social problems, I would say that most of us have enough "real life drama" in our own lives. Maybe it just takes these dumbasses on TV to make a lot of people feel like there really is someone dumber and worse off socially than they are.

5. Our complete and utter dependence on technology of the past decade.
     I'm pretty sure that if you take any teenagers cell phone away for a period longer than a week, that they will go into a deep state of psychosis. And if facebook crashed....that would be the end of society. Why are we so dependent on these things? Just a decade ago we were entertained by things as crazy and ridiculous as face to face contact. How many of us are guilty of texting or calling someone that is within shouting distance? If you say no, you're lying like a techno politician.

     Finally is our complete inability to do anything for ourselves. I know that my parents and most of their friends know how to fix their car, sew on a button, replace and fix things in their house, balance a check book, cook food that doesn't require a microwave, several hobbies of their choice, graduate high school, and most of them can still even use a computer with some degree of efficiency. Many of my friends and I however....well it's a good thing that we have so many numbers like AAA, the plumber, and the pizza place in that cell phone that we can't live without.    

     So what do you think? Is De-evolution real? Are humans getting dumber and slowly moving backwards?


  1. I had to laugh when I got to the last paragraph. I, fortunately, do know how to basic car repair and all that but I think it is due to where I grew up.

    Many of my friends, however, have trouble changing a tire or pumping petrol.

    Another interesting post. Keep them coming. :)

  2. Hilarious and interesting post. You sound like an intelligent person, which endears you to me automatically. The fact that you have a sense of humor is a huge plus.

    Please post more often. This is a demand, and it shall be enforced with frequent threats.

  3. All of these are dead on. Just to add to #5, the newest novel that we wrote centers on this exact topic. The question? What would happen if the Internet and cell phones went down for good? Our answer: the world would destroy itself. In fact, think Canada and London.

  4. The farther we live from nature, the less capable we are. City life and technology does indeed make self-dependence obsolete. Good post. Thanks for your visit to my blog.

  5. Thanks for the reads and the comments guys!
    @Jay luckily I grew up doing mechanical work but I most definitely cannot sew on a button.
    @Lemons I have to keep up your anticipation!
    @ABftS I would definitely want to read this.
    @Hilary Technology does seem to breed laziness in many ways.

  6. Yes, yes, yes. These are my thoughts exactly. I actually got rid of my cell phone last year and feel like the only person on the planet that doesn't have one, and isn't always looks down and texting like a zombie. It seems strangers usually younger and more into it can't even look people in the eyes anymore. I also got rid of cable at around the same time as the phone, mostly just watch docs & stuff online. I still have a guilty pleasure of the odd reality tv show, project runway, etc...usually a little more creative than say, jersey shore -still have not seen an episode. should i even bother?! I seen that funny quote, everytime someone watches an episode of jersey shore, a book commits suicide. HA!
    I do think we are de-evolving. it's rather sad. slightly scared of the future. pop culture is not helping whatsoever. celebrity obsession is so dang annoying and pointless.
    Wicked make me giggle while nodding my head. keep it up, this is my kind of blog!! refreshing.

  7. For me the dominance of the Reality t.v. prograoms (the one's that elevate the worst of human behavior), began the ringing of a death knoll for our species. These are not just in the States either, they've spread like a rampant virus around the globe. You bring up some good points here. I do not however own a mobile. Never have, never will. Too much like a leash for me.

  8. I can tell de-evolution is real because less and less people are reading books

  9. The first one sums it up nicely. I mean seriously! How can you NOT know that coffee is hot?! ARGH!

  10. Watching other peoples lives suck worse than yours really is entertaining. After a mind numbing hour of Hoarders, Jersey Shore or Intervention, I feel like a productive member of society. Even if we just post photos of rubber duckies!!!