Friday, September 16, 2011

People and the Band Wagon

     Hey interweb! I have been watching the increasing campaigns and mud slinging in preparation for the United States presidential elections next year. I'm not going to start political blogging, nor will I be stating any bias or preference, but something I have noticed is how much I hate the methods and reasoning abilities that the vast majority of people use to come to conclusions on important topics. It seems like everyone feels a compulsory need to immediately disagree with anything and everything. There is an extreme bandwagon effect with this need because as soon as someone comes up with a hyperbolic opinion and puts it on the interweb, 90% of people will take this opinion as their own because it makes them feel informed, intelligent, controversial, progressive, and active as a citizen.
     I personally do not understand why it is beyond the mental and emotional capacity of many people to take it upon themselves to read deeply into a topic, think about what they have learned, and form their own opinion after some degree deliberation. Just because a person has read a few facebook status updates on a topic does not entitle him or her to an opinion, let alone the right to take any form of action regarding the topic. This includes speaking, which generally is not a problem for these people because they cannot continue a conversation on a topic for over 2 minutes because all they have to say is "it's stupid and wrong."

     I'm not saying that I blame people for not being an expert on every possible topic, nor am I saying that people should be as big of a nerd as I am trying to learn something every second of every day. What I am saying is that if someone is going to have an opinion on something or take action in regard to sociopolitical topics then they need to use some semblance of intelligence that I know most people posses. If you don't do it for the sake of everyone around you, then please do it for yourself so that you do not appear like you should be in a zoo throwing feces against a wall. Don't allow yourself to be further evidence for de-evolution. Also, if you are going to argue your opinion, please know how to logically form a coherent argument.  

      This is something that I feel very strongly about and I have just deleted about 6 more paragraphs of this rant to keep the topic applicable to everyone who reads this. What do you think? Am I just a bitter pessimist or is there truly a noticeable decline in people's ability to think for themselves or even think in general?


Monday, September 12, 2011

Under The Weather.

     Hey interweb! I have been on a small hiatus from the blog and from catching up on yours for a while. This will most likely continue for a few more days. I have unfortunately been feeling pretty under the weather and my smartass abilities have been as tired as I have been. My days have consisted of laying around watching the same old TV shows and a good opening week of the NFL, none of which were inspiring enough for me to have much to say other than "will you get me some more ginger ale?" I hope that you all are doing well and look forward to getting caught up with your blogs!


Monday, September 5, 2011

Ridiculous Engineering (Wothless Inventions)

     Hey interweb. As an engineer, one of my favorite things to do is peruse technology stores. I like to look at the newest innovations, concepts, and advancements in just about all facets of technology. I also keep up in the techno news with things like healthcare tech, computer technology, entertainment technology, automotive technology, and my favorite is green technology because it represents mankind doing something totally new and answering difficult questions. Mankind really has done many amazing things over the last century and I have an uncontrollable desire to know how it all works.

     The reason for this post however, is the less glorious side of engineering, the problems that were either poorly solved or things that are solutions to problems that do not exist. I came across something called the privacy scarf. Basically the purpose of this scarf is to go around your head and the piece of technology on which you have sensitive information, hiding the screen. What part of this seems like a good idea?! Basically if you are using this in public, you are putting on a sign that says "I have an expensive piece of technology with private information on it and I can no longer see my attacker, so please beat the bloody piss out of me and take my laptop and my identity. While you're at it, please treat me like your prison 'friend."' That's a long sign but an invention this ridiculous deserves it. There are screen protectors that limit peripheral one!
     A few days after seeing this, I found a waterproof in-car GPS at a local store. The only practical reason for this to exist in my mind would be if you don't leave it in your car (like 99% of users) and you don't put it in the case (UNlike 99% of that 1%) and you accidentally drop it in a puddle. But the only realistic application that I could come up with was that they could discover your coordinates of where you drowned when your car went off the road.
     A product that just came out recently is the goatee shaver. This is a mouthpiece that you hold in your mouth and goes around your lips like a duck that got punched in the bill. This just screams sanitary. The female version of this is the lip stick guide which is a Hannibal Lecter mask for women preventing lip stick smears. As if women needed any other excuse or way to be absolutely terrifying in the morning.
     A relatively new one in the automotive world is water sensing windshield wipers. What do you think the chances are of something going wrong with these automatic windshield wipers when compared to something as complex as ..... a switch? But they are very necessary, I can't tell you the last time that I was driving a car and could not see the rain, or was frustrated that my arms were so short that I could not reach said switch. Just something else to drive up the cost of the car. This is simply an expensive trick for a man in the midst of a mid life crisis to show his friends when he sprays his car with the hose. Another one from the automotive world is the exhaust pipe that grills hamburgers. It supposedly has no contact with the exhaust gasses but I know that I still wouldn't eat it during the survival situation where I somehow got my car in a place that I couldn't walk out of or call AAA.

     To me, these are nothing more than things made by people trying to get rich off of the impulsiveness and ignorance of the masses. As an engineer, we are trained to try and think about all of the ways in which a consumer will potentially use our product and try to make sure that the product can withstand the greatest amount of foreseeable abuse. As a consumer, we need to be trained against the stupidity of some engineers and their ability to steal our money.

     What is the most useless thing that you have ever bought? I myself have unfortunately and shamefully bought a Snuggie.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


     Hey interweb. First I would just like to say that I am a firm believer in the process of de-evolution. This is a very scientific and proven theory that has far reaching effects and implications within the human species. Basically the theory has the following formula: man + woman (in the presence of alcohol) = reproduction for reasons other than having desirable qualities. This leads to the human species becoming gradually dumber, uglier and generally more worthless than the previous generations. There are a few signs that this is happening, including but not limited to:

1. Disclaimers on everything.
     A few years ago, you didn't have to tell people not to touch the bar on running chainsaws, that coffee will burn you, that the stunts on "Jackass" are performed by jackasses, that you are NOT Bear Grylls, that eating fast food will make you morbidly obese, that alcohol will cause intoxication, that the stunts in video games cannot be performed in real life, and you are not a good enough driver to be in the real life "Fast Five." I mean COME ON people, who would have guessed that common sense would be the first human faculty to go the way of the dodo bird?

2. Amusement Parks
     I love amusement parks as much as the next person, but have you ever noticed how much better your self esteem is after you leave? Have you ever taken the time to "people watch" as I like to call my narcissistic internal judgement of other people based solely on appearance and actions? If you take the time to be entertained by some of the craziness that you will see in an amusement park crowd, you will realize a few things in America. We really are a fat nation, out of 30,000 people at the theme park you are only attracted to five, most people should not be allowed to chose clothing (especially when they chose small quantities of it), reproduction should be a privilege, parents are insane, most tattoos will be regretted at some point in one's life, humans are far to addicted to their endogenous hormones, and because of all of this the human species is doomed.

3. The riots in Canada and England
     Self explanatory.
4. Our fascination with reality  TV
     I have fallen into this trap several times, but am getting better at restraining it. But throw on an episode of "The Dog Whisperer," "Real Life," "Man Vs Wild," or "MTV Cribs" and I am completely unproductive for at least an hour. Why are we so entertained by watching other people, do normal everyday things while they scream and fight about it. These shows have no value and why do we care?! Why do we watch people spray tan themselves, buy a gallon of hair gel, dry hump, drive around, and complain about things that have nothing to do with anything? These people aren't even acting, they are just naturally douche bags. I'm sure that we all have plenty of these in our own lives. And judging by the statistics of a lot of social problems, I would say that most of us have enough "real life drama" in our own lives. Maybe it just takes these dumbasses on TV to make a lot of people feel like there really is someone dumber and worse off socially than they are.

5. Our complete and utter dependence on technology of the past decade.
     I'm pretty sure that if you take any teenagers cell phone away for a period longer than a week, that they will go into a deep state of psychosis. And if facebook crashed....that would be the end of society. Why are we so dependent on these things? Just a decade ago we were entertained by things as crazy and ridiculous as face to face contact. How many of us are guilty of texting or calling someone that is within shouting distance? If you say no, you're lying like a techno politician.

     Finally is our complete inability to do anything for ourselves. I know that my parents and most of their friends know how to fix their car, sew on a button, replace and fix things in their house, balance a check book, cook food that doesn't require a microwave, several hobbies of their choice, graduate high school, and most of them can still even use a computer with some degree of efficiency. Many of my friends and I however....well it's a good thing that we have so many numbers like AAA, the plumber, and the pizza place in that cell phone that we can't live without.    

     So what do you think? Is De-evolution real? Are humans getting dumber and slowly moving backwards?

Monday, August 29, 2011

Road Rage

     Hello interweb. I was in my car today, when I saw someone make the mistake of getting into the wrong lane and trying to come back over. Someone was in his blind spot, and luckily he saw them and heard them honk their horn so an accident was avoided. But the person who was inconvenienced did not see it as a lucky avoidance of someone's mistake. He continued to blare his horn, threw his hands up like Britney Spears after her latest break up and rolled down his window to begin screaming at this person like a coke addict on "Cops". After he "kindly" let the person over, he continued to blare his horn for about a half a mile until the point at which he switched lanes to run his super powerful four cylinder 2002 bottom of the line Lexus around this person just to cut him off.

     Why is it that getting behind the wheel of a car automatically makes most people turn into the love child of Mel Gibson and a batshit-crazy racist redneck with a goat beard? Oh wait that's still Mel. So the love child of Mel Gibson and a Nazi. I really think that I have had civil conversation with someone who let me go before them in line at a store because I had less things than he did, and then been flipped off in the parking lot by the same person. The transformation just doesn't make sense. Maybe I missed the government issued mandate that all persons must light their genitalia on fire for the duration of all driving operations. There are far more ridiculous laws in our legal system.

     I can't rationalize this phenomenon at all, but I really hate that it happens so often and to so many of us, so I'm asking for your help. Why do people seem to become raging lunatics as soon as they step behind the wheel of a car? 

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Another Fishing Adventure (Deer Bait)

     Hey interweb. The other day I stopped by a local river to do some fishing while I had a little bit of spare time. It is one of my favorite spots to fish because it is shallow enough to wade around for a decent distance, it is convenient, and there are a lot of downed logs and things that provide good cover and consequently good places to fish. I usually just stop by when I am on my way to or from something and have some time to waste with nothing else to do. So I pulled into the gravel lot to a skidding stop like I always do, pulled out the fishing pole that stays in my car, and my backpack full of gear. I put my dollar store crocks on and headed down to the water. I fished for about 45 minutes, caught a few small mouth bass, some blue gill and other sunfish. I looked at my phone to check the time, and saw that I had about an hour left to fish. I decided to go the opposite direction for the remainder of my time to find some new areas to fish.
     As I turned around, I saw it. A huge 12 pt buck, a deer that easily weighed in excess of 175 lbs standing in the middle of the river taking a drink. I decided to try and just mosey around him and try to go unnoticed because deer can be quite aggressive. I thought it was going to work until I got to within about 100 feet of him, at which point he slowly raised his head to address me. I stood there, as still as I possibly could hoping that he would go back to ignoring my presence. He just kept staring. I thought that maybe he just needed to watch me go by to make himself comfortable so I started to move in his general direction again. At this point, he lowered and raised his head to display his antlers in a "do you see these?! I will cut you!" kind of display. Again I stopped, hoping that I wasn't about to be mauled in revenge for the death of Bambi's mom. Trying to control my elevating heart rate, I slowly started to walk backwards against the current. I tripped over a log and fell into the water, and he took a few quick steps forward. I did the only thing that I could think of, standing up and making myself look as big as possible.

     Luckily, the deer stopped. My decision was working so I continued with my ape pose and started to yell. The deer looked behind him, and started to walk away. At this point I knew that I could escape, went straight to the bank of the river and swiftly walked to my car while continuously looking over my shoulder. Who would have  thought that a deer can be so scary when they weren't staring blankly into your headlights? I can't really say that I learned a lesson, but it will definitely be a fishing trip that I remember. It always amazes me how seemingly mundane activities can turn out to be things that you will never forget. If you have a story of a mundane activity that turned into something scary, awesome, or just memorable please share it in the comments!  

Monday, August 22, 2011

Edited Media

     Hey interweb. The other day, I was watching the show "South Park" on a channel called WGN. During the show, a black screen came up saying something along the lines of "this image of the character defecating has been edited for your protection." At first I didn't know why it angered me so much to miss out on a cartoon's bowel movement, but then it dawned on me. Who are they to decide what I need and don't need to be protected from viewing? Now I know there were no secrets to life in that characters explosive diarrhea, but it is the principle of the matter. One of the greatest tools of oppressive governments is withholding information. This was the purpose of the infamous Nazi book burnings. They didn't want their citizens to know that there are better ways of life out there, that there are better governments out there, or that many beneficial advancements are being created beyond their borders.  Denial of information and misinformation are some of the most powerful tools in the act turning people into nothing more than cattle. If ideas cannot be spread and information not attained, then how can there be progress? How can human beings protect their rights? How can humans fulfill their right to be informed in the truth in all things? How can people escape oppression?

     Another thing is the types of things that people of power have decided that the public needs to be "protected" from. A pair of breasts and a bowel movement must be edited, things that all human beings have or experience, but it is perfectly fine to see malicious and intense acts of violence. Sex is somehow more offensive to the average person than seeing someone have their face shot off by a serial killer on a TV show. Oh and heaven forbid someone make a reference to GOD or say a curse word. These things are also far more damaging to a young child than teaching him how to fight, kill, or aggressively display anger and hate. If you are more offended by a naked human who has the same form as yourself than you are of seeing someone have their throat slit, maybe you should spend your time trying to transform yourself into a dairy cow instead of watching TV. 

     This goes right along, in my opinion, with seeing that message after you try to post a message on someone's blog. "Your message will appear after blog owner approval" or whatever it says. I understand that it is your page, but who are you to decide what I am and am not allowed to contribute to the discussion on your PUBLIC page.  If you are that concerned about what people will post on your page, make it a private page, don't allow comments, or better yet don't be on the internet. The last being a very big loss because so many people have so much to share and some of these "edited" blogs have great posts and images that they share with everyone. Don't edit people's minds and voices because you are afraid of offending someone. People have the right to offend and be offended, and share ALL information and ideas. They shouldn't be constrained to what you deem "appropriate." For these reasons, my comments will never be edited. If it weren't for people who came out and spoke against oppressive forces, we would still think that the earth is flat, we would think that the earth is the center of everything, we would not have modern medicine, we would not have equal rights, and America would not exist just to name a few things.

     As you can tell, missing out on this cartoon bowel movement really struck a nerve. In my opinion these social stigmas, embarrassment, and hatred of everything that makes us human are a primary root of some of the most troublesome social problems and individual psychological problems present in our society because it teaches us that the most innate parts of being human are disgusting and inappropriate. So what do you think? Should people be "protected" from the commonplaces of life that we are embarrassed of or offended by while extreme acts of hate and violence are considered good entertainment?